【原创】如何在商务英语写作中摆脱中式英语

乡亲们，我来说说“中式英语”
You know what really is “Chinglish”? Just a couple of years ago I thought it was sentences like “I will give you some colors to see see.” “please don’t throw your rubbishes everywhere .”, things like that.
In fact, they are Chinglish, but just the inferior ones. While the big ones are often hard to spot, because they are grammatically correct and everyone is so accustomed to them.
Today I would like to recommend a book, the translator’s guide to Chinglish, by Joan Pinkham. The book analyzes the typical format of Chinglish from a foreigner’s perspective. It has 5 hundred and sixty pages. Wow! If you think reading such a thick book is costly both in time and money. Worry no more! Because I am here to share it with you. Mind you, what I am going to say mostly is based on this book.
事实上，它们是中式英语，不过只是比较低级的那种。而高级一点的错误常常难以发觉，因为它们语法上正确，并且大家都习以为常了。
It is now commonly believed that good English writing is concise. That means you should write what you say in as few words as possible. And in particular, Business English, being concise is everything. They say, “A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences.”
如今人们普遍认为，优秀的英语书面语要精炼。意思就是，你表达意思用的词越少越好。在商务英语方面更是如此，精炼就是一切。老外说：“一个句子不应该包含多余的单词，一个问短也不应该包含多余的句子。”
But sadly, almost every text that has been translated from Chinese into English contains unnecessary words. The same is true, to those paragraphs written directly in English by a native speaker of Chinese.
但杯具的是，几乎每一个从汉语翻译成英语的文段都会含有不必要的单词。而直接由汉语母语的人写出的英语，也是如此。
Here is a typical section of an essay that is written in Chinglish.
以下就是一个典型的中式英语文段。
At this point in time, we are sending you a form for you to fill and mail back to us so that we may know exactly which products you would like us to ship to you. Please fill the form and return it to us for your order to be processed.
You see, very smooth, very sincere and grammatically correct. But in fact, it has gone terribly wrong. Remember, in Business English, being concise is everything.
Here is what a native English speaker will write.
“We are sending you a form for you to fill and mail back to us for your order to be processed.”
Wow! I mean, now the sentence is just half as long.
哇！我是说，这样句子就缩短了一半。
To get rid of this bad habit, we have to begin with the basic sentence patterns.
要改掉中式英语的坏习惯，我们必须从基本的句型着手。
For example, “We should adopt a series of measures to ensure that…”
例如，“我们应该采取一系列措施来保证……”
Here, the plural form of measures has already covered the sense of “series”. When you say “measures”, an English speaker will instantly know that what you refer is more than just one measure. So, instead of saying “a series of”, or “various”, or “all kinds of measures”, simply “We should adopt measures to ensure that…” is right and friendly to a native English speaker.
这里，measure的复数形式已经把“一系列”的意思包含进去了。当你说“measures”，说英语的人立马就会明白你指的不只是一种measure。因此，与其说“a series of”, “various”, 或者 “all kinds of measures”，只需要“We should adopt measures to ensure that…”对于英语母语的老外来说，就足够正确、精炼和顺眼了。
Next, the commonest type is a phrase like “we must make an improvement in our work”. Here the word “make” is a weak, colorless, all-purpose word according to the Translator’s Guide to Chinglish. Which is to say, it can be used everywhere, having no very specific meaning of its own, while the real action is expressed in the noun “improvement”. Since the verb is not contributing anything to the sense, it can be edited out. No need to say “we must make an improvement in our work”, “We must improve our work” is fine.
接下来，最常见的一种句型就像“we must make an improvement in our work”.根据《中式英语之鉴》一书，这里的make是一个语气弱，没有感情色彩，笼统的动词。就是说，动词make在哪里都可以用，本身并没有非常具体的含义，而真正的动作是在名词“improvement”中表达出来的。因此这个动词并没有表达任何意思，可以被删除掉。不需要说“we must make an improvement in our work”,说 “We must improve our work”就好了。
Ok, there is the end。
好的，就到这里吧。大家喜欢的话，下周出第二季